Category: Spam Poetry

Gmail’s spam filter has been preventing me from finding great spam poetry, but this scam message just came through and I found it highly amusing:

United Nations compensation office.

You are selected among the list of beneficiaries to be compensated by United State Government in
collaboration with United nation Organisation office with sum of US$4, 250,000.00 for being;

1)A Victims and one among people that has been scammed from any part of the world,
2)Foreign contractors that may have not received their contract sum,
3)Unpaid beneficiaries, inheritance next of kin that was originated from, Africa, London United Kingdom or any part of the world,
4)And one amone the people that have had an unfinished transaction or international businesses that failed due to Government problems,financial crisis and those people that has delay or failed international funds transfer etc.

This is United Nation Organisation and Queen Elizbeth II initiative.you can contact Barrister William Stevenson of
Crown Chamber Office,London for detail or Get back for detail.

barr.williamstev@lawyer.com

United Kingdom compensation office

God forbid these scammers should ever learn to grasp basic concepts of grammar, punctuation and capitalization. This thing reads like it was written by a LOLCat.

I just got three blog comments from spammers using the fake names of “Art Blakey’s Jazz Messengers” and “Mahavishnu Orchestra.” I can’t help but wonder how or why these actual band names, reasonably obscure as they are, managed to get employed in the name of spam. Did they come about at complete random, or are the spam bots aware that I have several Mahavishnu CDs in my collection? I don’t have any Blakey, though. Maybe it’s just a coincidence. Which would be a nice illustration of correlation that does not equal causality…

Got this lovely thing back from a client’s email broadcast. I like the bookends particularly:

Comments jack chuck yellow car?
Cruzrenee banksuma linksbest celebritys paparazzi lopez fans.
Beautiful celebrity high, quality pics brittany of.
Most and sexy raialicia keysalicia.
February, january december related blog best.
Linksbest celebritys paparazzi lopez fans aguilera march?
Aguilera march, february january, december related blog best.
Postsstuff murphy carlo chiesa photoshoot technorati tags.
Most and sexy raialicia keysalicia diazcarmen zeta, miliandrew.
Comments jack chuck yellow car?

I also think “aialicia keysalicia diazcarmen zeta” would make a great chant or cheer.

For the latest developments in Artificial Creativity (as opposed to Artificial Intelligence), check out this blog, which was an actual blog that moved here some time ago and then apparently had its address snatched up by spammers. It’s packed with all the latest in bot-syntax jibba jabba. I’m so glad I no longer have to hunt through my Junk Mail at the office for gems like “Gosh, one ingenuous horse gift adventurously hurt by means of a tolerant constipation,” especially since we’ve installed a great spam filter at the server level, so I don’t really get much spam at all anymore.

Today’s spam prose is the first example I’ve seen of fully coherent and valid syntax in a robot-generated spam message. The evolution continues.

A secretly dirt-encrusted tornado is ostensibly hypnotic. Now and then, the inferiority complex accurately buys an expensive gift for some vacuum cleaner from a vacuum cleaner. Furthermore, a satellite behind a carpet tack trembles, and the self-loathing fairy single-handledly pees on a turn signal. Indeed, a pine cone overwhelmingly cooks cheese grits for a so-called mastadon. A cough syrup requires assistance from an abstraction.

A vacuum cleaner brainwashes a stovepipe near a particle accelerator, because the insurance agent is a big fan of the vacuum cleaner beyond a vacuum cleaner. An anomaly brainwashes a feline nation. A Eurasian avocado pit satiates the diskette of the line dancer. Furthermore, a cargo bay inside a grand piano feels nagging remorse, and a turkey around a bottle of beer operates a small fruit stand with an umbrella for a globule. When you see a cosmopolitan cowboy, it means that the diskette earns frequent flier miles. A secretly dirt-encrusted tornado is ostensibly hypnotic. Now and then, the inferiority complex accurately buys an expensive gift for some vacuum cleaner from a vacuum cleaner. Furthermore, a satellite behind a carpet tack trembles, and the self-loathing fairy single-handledly pees on a turn signal. Indeed, a pine cone overwhelmingly cooks cheese grits for a so-called mastadon. A cough syrup requires assistance from an abstraction.

Most people believe that a food stamp figures out a cowboy, but they need to remember how hesitantly an inexorably surly skyscraper gets stinking drunk. When the bullfrog reads a magazine, a salad dressing around a mastadon procrastinates. A briar patch is phony. An ocean, a vacuum cleaner over a corporation, and a blood clot of the buzzard are what made America great! When a parking lot goes to sleep, the power drill laughs out loud.

I ran a Google search on “most people believe” and “are what made America great” and came up with dozens of other blogs with dozens of nonsensical variations on the same phrases. Some blogs are actual people, while others appear to be spam blogs.

I got two emails today in my spam box that were very similar in structure and content. The first:

I’ve been on this project, that you were looking here at

http://www.whatevercrappyspamdomain.com/crappy

cebastian just told to me that you unquestionabaly became aware about the arrangment on feeling like you did in college, Oh forgot, there also great at supporting me on sheding those xtra pds.

Then the boy returned to one of the upper rooms, and in spite of the hardness of the glass bench was soon deep in slumberland And how about the next three gifts? inquired the boy, anxiously

The second:

Just wanted you to hear from u about the diet, was it at

http://www.anothercrappyspamdomain.com/crappier

geweyne narrated to me that you unquestionabaly heard about the info on droping pds, Oh forgot, there also great at helping me on getting lean again.

If there was any other place to go, I’d like to go there
At once a crowd of excited people assembled, shouting to one another and pointing towards him in wonder

Wow. Actual attempts at coherence and sentence structure. I like that they both use “unquestionabaly,” for some reason. An attempt at gravitas, perhaps? Next thing you know, they’ll be able to find Sarah Connor.

Here’s a new spam tactic – rather than pull entire passages from literature, why not just grab the important nouns and verbs? For example, I got this today:

oak falls dissolves heap ashes fire consumed king. Then itself. implies examining examine prior Indeed election unanimous minority submit choice majority wish vote behalf something unanimity occasion least. SOCIAL COMPACT SUPPOSE reached point obstacles resources disposal state. changed manner engender forces existing ones formation

case divided. enter upon task without proving subject. asked prince write politics. answer neither why so. If were should not waste time saying wants doing hold peace. As born citizen free

It goes on, but you get the idea. Reading it, I noticed some conceptual continuity, as though there were a writer stabbing at something, gasping the important words as if out of breath. I Googled the first few words and found that they were extracted from Rousseau’s The Social Contract.

Some great new spam prose from the bottom of a message hawking Cialis:

“But you can Jonathan. For you have learned. One school is finished, never know if that’s the Zone greeting me or my stalker’s nerves acting up. extraordinary, gathered around him in a handful of months the great-est eye on me again, that they hadn’t forgotten me, or if they had forgotten, the Troika; yet, in retrospect, one realizes that one has experienced a sighing and shifting from foot to foot and yawning nervously–he was feeling

his instructor’s fire, surprised himself and became a wizard of low”Can’t we talk about the arts instead? Wouldn’t the listeners care to

Google indicates that these are passages shredded and pasted together from Jonathan Livingston Seagull.

I just wanted to write something like that as a title. It’s such a popular format for essays, theses, and conferences.

All I wanted to say today was that I have reached a new plateau in office spam. Because my spam box at the office is so enormous, I don’t trust my skimming skills so I skim the spam box, then move everything to another folder for a couple of weeks before I delete anything forever. I like to keep my deleted items around for a long time just in case I need something, but I don’t want a massive spam buildup in there. My spam-to-actual-mail ratio is about 3,720 to 1 or thereabouts [1].

So here’s how I know I’m truly on the spam frontier. I have about 1300 spam messages in the box right now, and I wanted to fish out some nice spam poetry because I haven’t posted any in awhile. Trouble is, the good stuff is hard to find and I’m not about to go dumpster diving in the spam box. You never know what might get lodged in your system down there. So I did the next best thing: I thought of the first word that popped into my head and did a search on it.

The word? “Wombat.”

Two results. Here was the better of the two:

see broomcorn try peaceful , bibb some albuquerque it’s collimate it’s insane ! homemake may scalar in captor a bodice but glenn it hindu ! elisha and intrusion in woodland a since or picojoule and prance be mutter a barre may echo it’s wombat it’s despite be biennium but diebold or pair the audience it federate on magistrate but irreplaceable but assent and fate try trestle the brock not desegregate it unital in dryden see shamrock it candidate , tuberculin see autopsy , courtesan some camera in scat a blat Naw email hier

So then I tried to stump the spam box. The next few words that popped into my head were “equestrian,” “circumvent”, “reindeer,” “semaphore,” “lozenge,” and “doorstop.” Only “doorstop” produced no results. My spam box is 1 for 7. But obviously if I choose to I can get super weird (factotum, blepharospasm, treacle, simulacrum) so the game starts to lose its appeal. So I asked Quentin, the graphic designer in my office, to say the first word that popped into his head. He said “corks.” This brought 1 result, which turned out to be taken from The Hobbit:

dwarves only started to sing:
Chip the glasses and crack the plates!
Blunt the knives and bend the forks!
Thats what Bilbo Baggins hates-
Smash the bottles and burn the corks!
Cut the cloth and tread on the fat!

This fascinated us for several minutes before we gave up and went back to work.

1.) If you know why I used that particular ratio, you’re as big a nerd as I am. Congratulations.