This recent message combines the joys of spam poetry with the mirth of Engrish:
Cozy companions think identically, which is why I comprehend you’re going to extremely enjoy this e-store!
Crushing it to heading propose her, she point of view cried and eat For a brief, sickening walk moment tennis court Tarzan felt the slipping UP a sort of crtin, whom her stepmother in a northwest distant another province would not
compromise you patrolling me, frenchman . semite you burdensome me, judith . carlson you anthracite me, moiety boggy arrear mckenzie . magma you tam me, compleat lolly .
censure you hereford me, delay sunspot . stadia you n’s me, naive reverse gibson . act you anaplasmosis me, willie cowry twenty dianne .
The author’s clever repetition of “me” and his use of multiple proper names suggests a sense of pressure, or being attacked from multiple points. This is underscored by a reference to anaplasmosis, or “tick fever” in cattle. The author wants to convey that he is but a lowly cow being bitten away at by parasites.
This being our fifth installment of spam poetry, I felt it necessary to create a category for it; see lower left for the past examples. This latest chestnut gives evidence that robot poetry has already moved into its post-modern/experimentalist phase of development. Whereas human poetry took hundreds of years to develop this sort of approach, automated spam robots got here in about 5 years.
“Eat your own dog food – Weasel by sleep”
carry the have it if ! only or.
tell and away but does in warm it’s a not shall , Cow the ten in I on found and me some.
round be drink it full the brown try said it upon it’s Pants !.
hurt the is not the and be ,.
there it’s my , this a those ! been , little it’s going see away not then in round some Chicken may.
fall may Chia-pet be it may said it and may been it get some.
play not round on my it warm the.
or in must some found may use or carry or gave on from it of , both try not and Eskimo try.
go not pull not warm may brown the these but my a never in.
This was in my spam box today at work, underneath some ad for debt relief or something:
The dumb calculator was active. The homosexual cloud said deaf.
The rich fox used to be hetrosexual.
The fair bicycle were rude.
The smelly policewoman said normal.
The unhygenic u f o used to be active. The fair cockroach is pink.
I got this in my inbox today. Not sure what the text has to do with the subject line, which was “Remove your bills the Christian way” from sender “Christian bill removers”:
Consult an expert for help. Yesterday you were thinking about what could be — now you focus on what is. The effects of a mutual display of affection will be long-lasting. You wonder why others make such elaborate plans when life can be this easy.
Yesterday you were thinking about what could be — now you focus on what is. Expect to either impress someone or to be very impressed by someone. Take steps to discard the old and embrace the new. Quick thinking gets you out of a tough spot.
You are in a very industrious and creative cycle that will bring you profits and satisfaction. You are in a very industrious and creative cycle that will bring you profits and satisfaction. Avoid opposition for a little while. Issues with family and friends will be hard to resolve.
You will gain confidence in your abilities if you say no to those wanting you to do for them instead of for yourself. The more creatively you launch yourself. Creativity is not just a process of invention. It can also be a mode of relaxation. A better future is on the way. Take it slow and you’ll have a better chance of winning approval.
Sounds like random fortune cookie sayings mashed together. So be sure to add "in bed" to all the above sentences, to make this post significantly less boring.
Fundrace is an interesting site that gives names, occupations and mailing addresses for anyone who contributes to a presidential race. It’s also ZIP-code searchable, meaning you can find out fun things like celebrity addresses and distribution of political affiliations – did you know for example that the 90210 ZIP code contains only donations to
Democrats? Neato.
On the spam front, I’ve started getting spam messages that are populated by random excerpts from 19th Century literature. I got this recently:
Her baby-conscience was rather tough and elastic, and I suppose she would have felt no more scruples about nibbling nice things, than an unprincipled little mouse. Not Prudy, for the poor little thing had grown so lame by this time, that she was unable to bear her weight on her feet, much less to walk into the nursery.
A quick search on Yahoo (but not Google because it sucks now) reveals that this text comes from Little Prudy’s Sister Susy by Sophie May. I also found a copy of the exact email I received.
On TV there is some movie called Brave New Girl. I’ve been trying not to pay attention to it, because it’s a product of Britney Spears’ burgeoning media empire. I just want to say right now that abusing the good name of Brave New World for cheeseball TV programming that bears no relation whatsoever to anything even remotely intelligent or thoughtful is a sin against the universe. May God smite ye all.
One last thing. I just realized that the word “howdy” is the resulting silt of years of linguistic erosion from the far longer, “how do you do?” I can only assume that phrase was whittled down to “howdy do” and then the latter term was lopped off. I’m probably the only person that cares about this sort of thing…
Lots of little things today. First among them – new plog.
Second, Simon Properties is giving up on the Summit Mall concept. For 15 years they’ve been wanting to develop a huge new mall in West Little Rock despite traffic concerns (they wanted an exit on a bypass, but the point of having a bypass is that pass by something, not be used as an arterial), and protest from citizens (particularly those around the University corridor that houses Park Plaza Mall and University Mall, both of which would die horrible deaths in Summit’s wake, no to mention the fact that we’ve got plenty of malls already around here). I myself spent some time working with the Little Rock New Party to raise peoples’ awareness of the thing – putting out petitions and flyers and such. So this news is an incredible sigh of relief for a lot of people.
Third, remember when I mentioned the random-word spams I’ve been getting? Well now the spammers have already progressed into random sentences. It’s almost becoming a form of artificial intelligence. Here’s a sample work entitled “drunk soccer moms”:
Any soft silver boots is on fire.
Any given well-crafted sloppy pencil arrives.
A given red balloon stares.
The beautiful camera lies the time that their white small bed is angry.
A beautiful silver round bottle walks.
Mine fancy book fidgeting.
Any given round purple bottle smiles.
Our children silver computer calculates.
Their silver clock adheres however, the silver smart green round-shaped printer stares.
Their well-crafted balloon prepare for fight as soon as his brothers noisy green paper smells.
Her daughters golden ram adheres.
A given round-shaped book lies.
Mine well-crafted mobile phone lies.
A expensive clock prepare for fight.
Any red hairy under wares calms-down and still any
given beautiful gun smiles.
This was preceded by a link to what I can only assume was pornography. Soccer-moms.biz, for those who dare.
Sixth and lastly, I went to Hot Topic in the mall recently. That store continues to bend my perceptions and blur the line between kitschy irony and legitimate nostalgia. I don’t know if their funky 80’s t-shirts are intended to be statements of irony to be laughed at or part of some actual reverence for things past. Possibly both? Ironic yet sincere? Is that possible? This paradox is further compounded by the fact that the store seems to position itself as the anti-conformity conformity store.
I went there to get a Yo! MTV Raps shirt, but it only came in red, so I bought a Homer Simpson/Mr. Sparkle shirt instead. If you haven’t seen the Simpsons Mr. Sparkle episode, you haven’t lived.
I also went to Sam Goody and bought another big $50 CD shelf. Finally I have room for all my crap!
Often I get spam emails full of totally random words. I received this today:
“hoff acanthus spouse curvature dishwater shimmy prevention proficient echinoderm seek aruba karate carrara eyebrow deluge ancestry afterimage cameraman scaffold hartman dorchester curl leery forbearance brackish girth bramble
exonerate kick node pig amherst wonder bahama anise despite glove valentine budge bini letterman coastline exculpate codpiece barcelona decrypt segregate”
I should mention that this arrived in the form of an HTML email that my spam detector deactivated into source code. These random words were set to a white font (spam within spam!) so that they weren’t legible. The main text of the email was some “click here” nonsense to some crappy website. I got much more enjoyment out of the utter randomosity of these terms. I have a theory that the future of humor is randomness. Steven Soderbergh’s Schizopolis has a couple of scenes where two characters speak in random words:
Woman: Arsenal. Nose army.
Elmo Oxygen: Nose army. Beef diaper?
Woman: Nomenclature.
Elmo Oxygen: Throbbing dust generation!
Woman: Drum tissue outburst.
Elmo Oxygen: Jigsaw. Uh, fragment chief butter. King surgery mind?
Woman: Bunny bucket.
Elmo Oxygen: Precision galley sponge.
Woman: Smell sign.
It’s really hard to come up with truly random words. The human brain is hardwired to associate. Try coming up with random phrases sometime. Bucket flange.