This was in my spam box today at work, underneath some ad for debt relief or something:
The dumb calculator was active. The homosexual cloud said deaf.
The rich fox used to be hetrosexual.
The fair bicycle were rude.
The smelly policewoman said normal.
The unhygenic u f o used to be active. The fair cockroach is pink.
I keep getting emails from plentyoffish.com, a personals/dating website. At first I thought it was just spam, but their regularity of transmission and their format suggested to me that either I had signed up without knowing or someone had signed me up. So I clicked over to it to investigate. My username is kobalt. I see that my matches are all Canadian. Then I realize: someone mistyped their email address. Into mine. I have the luxury of colter at gmail.com, so possibly someone forgot a modifier of some kind, numbers or whatever.
The sad part is, plentyoffish.com doesn’t save names or personal info, so I have no way of contacting the Canadian guy who’s probably sitting around wondering when he’s going to get some messages from the site.
Reflecting on the recent hullaballoo on Social Security and how it will supposedly crash on us, I began to wonder about how many children from the 70’s and 80’s will actually make it past age 65, given the dietary trends of the past few decades. Fast food and microwaveable meals, two terribly unhealthy and overwhelmingly popular sources of nourishment, really took hold during those generations. Factor that in with an overall decline in cooking skills, and you may have a recipe for untimely demises for people my age. We have a tendency to think that in the future people will be living longer, but given the eating trends of the last few decades I have to wonder if the opposite may prove true.
I’m going to make fish and broccoli tonight. What are you having?
Just a few weeks after my post on cat hoarding, the delightful San Francisco columnist and incisive master of the cheeky run-on sentence Mark Morford goes off on the same topic. Coincidence? Or is my blog truly becoming the trend-setter, the taste-maker? Consider also that Charlie Murphy recently announced that Chappelle’s Show is over. I can’t help but think I’m to blame. See my lame previous post.
Dave Chappelle went on an unexpected hiatus this year just before beginning his third season. No doubt the pressure of following up two seasons of already-classic comedy is enormous, so here’s something I thought of that might help Dave on his return, a sketch that explains his departure:
The pressure was too much to bear, so Dave has to find some new place to mine for comedy. So he visits the comedy mines administrated by Billy Dee Williams. But it’s a trap! Wayne Brady’s back to take over the show and so Dave has to go on Whose Line Is It Anyway? to prove his comedy Jedi skills. It’s a draw until Billy Dee offers Dave a Colt 45, which Dave and Wayne use in an object-improv showdown. Dave comes up with more bits using the can than Wayne, and wins. Billy Dee says “works every time.”
I really should get back to work.