Watch Conan O’Brien on Wednesday!

My friend Elizabeth is playing trombone with Patrick Wolf on Conan O’Brien this Wednesday night. I met Elizabeth during my trip to NYC last October and we became fast friends[1]. She gigs regularly as a trombonist for hire around the New York area. I once ate cotton candy off her head.

She’ll be the third person I’ve met who has been on Conan. The first and second were Bryan Beller and Mike Keneally, who played with Dweezil Zappa. Bryan has the distinction (I think) of being the first guy to take a bass solo on late night TV. Here’s the clip of the performance circa 1993, and here’s Bryan’s write-up of the experience. Mike and Bryan came through Little Rock some years ago for a guitar clinic and I took them out for pizza afterward. Here’s a picture of us. Bryan has recently moved to Nashville, which is nice. Hopefully we’ll get to hang out sometime soon.

UPDATE: Elizabeth says she’ll also be playing with a group called St. Vincent, doing several dates on the road opening for the Arcade Fire.

1.) We discovered last February that we had both recently read The Mezzanine by Nicholson Baker and Oryx and Crake by Margaret Atwood. That’s just spooky.

Thoughts on “Heroes”

One of the marvelous things about NBC’s Heroes is that, like the X-Men, each character has his or her own peculiar power that is somewhat limited in application. So writing a plot must be a bit like playing a game of chess. And like chess, Heroes has two “queens,” Sylar and Peter, who can operate with all the powers of each player (something that thus far separates the characters of Heroes from the X-Men).

All of this made me wonder about chess: why are its pieces so limited in movement, and why is there only one game to be played on the chess board, with one set of “powers” for each piece? There are dozens of games that can be played with a deck of cards, so why not re-assign each chess piece a new power? For example, let’s say that a rook can teleport to any open space analagous to its current position (if it were in the far top right corner, it could teleport any of the other three corners, presuming they were open.). Perhaps knights could only move at full right angles, bishops could only land on every other diagonal tile, etc. Just a thought.

I suppose at some point, the more changes you’d make, the more chess would resemble Dungeons & Dragons, which, in a certain sense, is more complex, creative and strategic a game than chess because the powers of the pieces are constantly in flux.

This is the sort of thing I think about before I fall asleep at night.

Equal and Opposite Reactions

I was about to begin this entry by saying “I am continually fascinated by…” and then I started to wonder how many times I’ve used that phrase on this blog. A quick Google search reveals at least four. I am considering changing the name of this site to “Continual Fascinations.”

Anyway, I dig Newton’s Third Law, “for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.” It seems to cross over from physics to areas of social interaction, politics and technology in the form of my new favorite axiom, “for everything you gain, you lose something.” Consider a man in a room full of women, wishing to express to a particular woman that she is singularly beautiful. If he does so, the other women would assume by implication that they were not singularly beautiful, and they would despise him for it. Most probably, what he might gain in affection from the one, he would lose from the others.

The same is true for most religions. The statement of “I believe in my particular God” also carries with it the implication that everyone else who does not share your God is thoroughly wrong. Or even nationalistic sentiments, especially “God bless the USA,” which implies that God would not be blessing any of the other countries in the world any time soon.

I suppose this is the nature of praise. To single something out is to separate it from that which it is not. To define is to delineate. As soon as something is somewhere, it is not elsewhere. Which brings us back to physics I suppose.

Wolfman’s Got Nards: Special Edition

This brings me great joy. Via DavisDVD:

“Lionsgate Home Entertainment will release fan-favorite, and one of the most requested titles, The Monster Squad on July 24th. Available on DVD for the first time, the 1980s cult classic arrives as a 2-disc 20th anniversary special edition featuring a newly mastered 16×9 anamorphic transfer, Dolby Digital 5.1 and original 2.0 stereo tracks. Bonus materials will include an audio commentary with writer/director Fred Dekker and “Squad Members” Andre Gower, Ryan Lambert and Ashley Bank, deleted scenes, “MONSTER SQUAD FOREVER!” five-part retrospective featuring new interviews with Dekker, actors Andrew Gower, Ryan Lambert, Ashley Bank, Duncan Regehr, Tom Noonan and more, “A CONVERSATION WITH FRANKENSTEIN” never-before-seen classic interview with the Monster himself, the original theatrical trailer and TV spot. Retail will be $19.98.”

The Summer of the Third

This may be a record for most sequels in a summer, and certainly for the most Part Threes ever:

Part Twos:
28 Weeks Later
Hostel 2
Fantastic Four: Rise Of The Silver Surfer
Evan Almighty
Daddy Day Camp

Part Threes:
The Bourne Ultimatum
Rush Hour 3
Spiderman 3
Shrek The Third
Ocean’s 13
Pirates Of The Caribbean: At World’s End

Part Four:
Live Free Or Die Hard

Part Five:
Harry Potter And The Order Of The Phoenix

Regional Variations

I’m writing this here because I cannot find this particular version of it anywhere else on the web. I’ve found many, many variations on the theme, but this is the one I grew up with:

Suzy had a sailboat.
The sailboat had a bell.
Suzy went to heaven, the sailboat went to
hello operator, give me number 9.
If you disconnect me, I’ll kick you in the
Behind the ‘frigerator, there lay a piece of glass.
Suzy sat on top of it, and cut her little
Ask me no more questions, I’ll tell you no more lies.
The boys are in the girls room, playing with their
Flies are in the city, the bees are in the park.
Suzy is with her boyfriend, kissing in the dark.

I’m continually fascinated by playground rhymes and urban legends and how they change slightly from person to person, region to region. Today I was reminded of a rhyme that never made it to my school, but of which Nelly wrote his own version in “Country Grammar.” I remember hearing it in the movie Big, and was glad to find it transcribed at IMDb.com:

The space goes down, down baby, down, down the roller coaster. Sweet, sweet baby, sweet, sweet, don’t let me go. Shimmy, shimmy, cocoa pop. Shimmy, shimmy, rock. Shimmy, shimmy, cocoa pop. Shimmy, shimmy, rock. I met a girlfriend – a triscuit. She said, a triscuit – a biscuit. Ice cream, soda pop, vanilla on the top. Ooh, Shelly’s out, walking down the street, ten times a week. I read it. I said it. I stole my momma’s credit. I’m cool. I’m hot. Sock me in the stomach three more times.

Humble to be an American

I finally got off my duff and made some t-shirts and bumper stickers at CafePress.com. The statement is “Humble to be an American” because I’m really sick of this whole “Proud to be an American” and “Power of Pride” thing I see on bumper stickers. I’m tired of pride. It’s supposed to be a sin. Fat lot of good it’s done us thus far. I may add some more designs later about “Fighting for Responsibility,” because everyone seems to really get caught up in the idea of Fighting for Freedom but few seem to remember that freedom demands responsibility. Here’s my store address:

www.cafepress.com/humbleamerican

Buy some stuff! I only marked it up for a $1 profit. Let me know if you think I should make buttons and mugs, etc.

You Just Never Know, Redux

As if to underline my “you never know” statement about the Virginia Tech[1] shooter, along comes a story about some weirdness at the Dallas Press Club, where recently departed President Elizabeth Albanese turns out to be the center of a scandal involving potentially nonexistant awards judges, a history of mental illness and an interstate rap sheet.

I have worked with Elizabeth for the last three years on the website for the annual Katie Awards, honoring excellence in regional journalism and media. She was one of the better clients I’ve worked for; she always seemed to keep a lot of plates spinning without complaint or error. She was always pleasant and positive and appreciative. I never would have suspected that she might commit fraud. The article is long and informative, so I’ll leave that up to you to read. Suffice it to say that it looks like she’ll be in a heap of trouble and the Katie Awards may be devalued right out of existence.

You just never know.

1.) Notice I didn’t say “VT,” because I keep reading that as “Vermont” when I see it, and suddenly in my mind the pastoral tranquility of Vermont is shattered by more random violence.

Thought for the Day

“I’m not interested in being pegged down with narrow definitions. I’m not interested in defining anything too closely. As soon as one defines, one limits. I don’t want to limit what King Crimson is. I’d rather use some vague terms and let you do the thinking. ”

– Robert Fripp

Leave it to guitar sensei Fripp to crystallize an important concept in understanding anything: to define is to limit. I had never quite considered that.

And I see on Fripp’s blog a statement echoing my recent bit on Frank Zappa:

“The attitude that life owes us something, if not everything, encourages life to thwart our endeavours.”

A Pack Rat Finds a Friend

“I kept stealing the phone books. Because I thought I may never be back in this city…I want to have a souvenir from Phoenix. And I used to go through the phone books and I would look at all the names and I’d go, “All these people…and they live in Phoneix…I’m never going to meet these people. I have to take a piece of them with me.” And my bag broke one day and it was always because of those phone books.”

– Cameron Crowe

That’s a quotation from the Almost Famous director’s commentary. It encapsulates the near-overwhelming sensation I get whenever I land in or drive through a large city. I’m continually fascinated by how enormous this country is. But I’m not nutty enough to steal phone books. I have to draw the line somewhere.