Category: Nerd

From Heath via the The New Yorker, who described the Star Wars saga as:

“a morality tale in which both sides are bent on moral cleansing, and where their differences can be assuaged only by a triumphant circus of violence.”

Find me a heroic epic in the history of the world that isn’t a violent morality tale. Besides, applying the same standards of intellectual criticism to Star Wars as one would any other motion picture is somewhat like deconstructing the Brothers Grimm or Santa Claus. Trix are for kids; there are things that should not be taken so seriously, and that goes for the fanboys as well as the critics. Ding that, get a f@cking life, Skippy.

And to the startlingly elitist, effete author of that review in The New Yorker, who referred to Lucas’ work as “an art of flawless and irredeemable vulgarity,” I simply say, “well, duh.” Of course Star Wars is common and uncultivated in its sentiments. It’s the 21st Century equivalent of going to the circus: one goes to see strange, new things and feats of amazing skill, not for subtlety or nuance. Few things are as vulgar as the circus (Cirque du Soleil the notable exception), but if you can’t enjoy the circus, then you’re just a little less of a human being for it. I also take much exception to the “unredeemable” part. Star Wars gives children a far better morality play than anything else I was exposed to as a child, and this new trilogy attempts to illustrate the roots of evil: attachment, pride, greed. It gives kids a break from simplistic Western notions of good and evil and delivers a healthy dose of Eastern thought into their malleable minds. I defy you to find a better epic morality play for young people.

Here with a special commentary on Salon’s review of Revenge of the Sith, please welcome Comic Book Guy!

Thank you, Colter. Today I want to explain how so very wrong the normally delightful Ms. Stephanie Zacharek at Salon is about the 3rd Chapter in the Star Wars trilogy. Her primary complaint seems to be that the film rails against an absolutist black/white worldview while presenting only the simplest of dualistic characters and arguments. If Ms. Zacharek would pay closer attention, she would see that what George Lucas is trying to do is show how evil becomes evil. Evil does not simply arrive and say “hello, I’m Evil, I will be your enemy today.” No, it starts somewhere: a little boy corrupted by his own inadequacies, mother issues, and slimy surrogate father. If she wants to complain about a sci-fi/fantasy film being too reliant on good vs. evil dualities, then she should look at the overly applauded Lord of the Rings films. Why is Sauron so evil? It doesn’t matter – he just is. Now THAT’s simplistic [1].

Another problem she has, and that many reviewers have, is her insistence that this film takes swipes at the Bush administration. This film has been in the works since the 1970’s – how prescient can George Lucas be? If there are similarities between Palpatine and Bush II, then they are simply coincidental. Keep your leftist interpretations to yourself, young missy. You, like Castro, probably saw Jaws as a pro-Marxist statement.

Ordinarily I quite like Ms. Zacharek’s works, but here I find her off base and out of touch with the true audience for this film: children and Jedis such as myself. She would do well to stick to reviewing arty pretentious girlie films like Amelie and The Hours.

1) Of course, true Tolkien fans know that Sauron was corrupted by Melkor and became his most trusted lieutenant in the Wars of Beleriand, but that’s beside the point.

Entertainment Weekly says that George Lucas initially considered handing over Episodes I and II to Steven Spielberg and Ron Howard, but both declined. D’ahhhhhhhh!!! Damn you, Spielberg! Damn you, Opie! Look what you have wrought! Only you had the power to prevent Jar Jar Binks and The Sand Speech. Only you could have prevented lame dialogue and wooden performances. The thoughts of what could have been…they will torment my waking hours and at night I will still hear the screaming.

Chris and I were discussing Internet Explorer for Mac, which is an errant knave of a program. I told Chris that Microsoft writing a program for Mac users is like Hitler writing a book for Jewish children.

Watch for falling code. The site is undergoing a graphic revamp. Email me if you find anything broken.

Weird Al Yankovic is a genius. He wrote a song in all palindromes. And it rhymes. It’s a tribute to Bob Dylan, sung in his vocal style. Fittingly, it’s called “Bob”:

I, man, am regal — a German am I
Never odd or even
If I had a hi-fi
Madam, I’m Adam
Too hot to hoot
No lemons, no melon
Too bad I hid a boot
Lisa Bonet ate no basil
Warsaw was raw
Was it a car or a cat I saw?

Rise to vote, sir
Do geese see God?
“Do nine men interpret?” “Nine men,” I nod
Rats live on no evil star
Won’t lovers revolt now?
Race fast, safe car
Pa’s a sap
Ma is as selfless as I am
May a moody baby doom a yam?

Ah Satan sees Natasha
No devil lived on
Lonely Tylenol Not a banna baton
No “x” in “Nixon”
O, stone, be not so
O Geronimo, no minor ego
“Naomi”, I moan
“A Toyota’s a Toyota”
A dog, a panic in a pagoda

Oh, no! Don Ho!
Nurse, I spy gypsies — run!
Senile felines
Now I see bees I won
UFO tofu
We panic in a pew
Oozy rat in a sanitary zoo
God! A red nugget! A fat egg under a dog!
Go hang a salami, I’m a lasagna hog

Today is Talk Like a Pirate Day. So I’d like to take this opportunity to honor an unsung hero in the pirate community: Captain McAllister from the Simpsons:

The Captain was responsible for such classic nautical bon mots as "You knew I was a cross-dressing pirate when you married me, now where’s me grog?" and "Aarr, I’m not attractive." I was afraid I might forget about Talk Like a Pirate Day, so I put it on my calendar: