Vanity Fair

I used to think Vanity Fair was People Magazine for the Upper West Side, but apparently they’re snarkier and more inventive than I thought. Inside the October 2006 issue of Vanity Fair is a fake flap you can attach to a copy of The Weekly Standard. Check it out.

Sadly, in order to get one of these, you have to buy the latest issue of Vanity Fair, which is the All Suri Cruise Edition (see, I was right – a highbrow People Magazine). I’d feel more than a little dirty buying such a thing. Maybe I can surreptitiously snag the insert from a newsstand copy. What other choice do I have?

My friend Mary took issue with my dis of VF, as she’s a subscriber. She cited the excellent photography and political articles, and these are valid points, but I think my objections are mainly that it very often covers the same topics as People magazine (Tom Cruises’ baby, Jennifer Aniston’s relationships, Angelina Jolie’s drama), but in a more artistic fashion, with better photography….however the covers are still invariably celebrities and the primary reason people buy it is to read about famous people.

They sneak in some legitimate journalism, though – and I’ve noticed that Rolling Stone has taken on a similar pattern: put Justin Timberlake on the cover, and maybe people will happen across the articles on Darfur and Iraq. I guess I can’t blame them; celebrity sells. I suppose I should be thankful that they even attempt to edify.

It’s interesting that both magazines took their names from works of social criticism. William Makepeace Thackeray’s Vanity Fair was a satire on high society opportunism, and Bob Dylan’s “Like a Rolling Stone,” addresses a woman who has fallen from high social standing. And this month both magazines sport covers of two of the most vacuous idols of our society, Tom Cruise and Justin Timberlake, respectively.

I’m #1!

Last June I made up a word, “inspiratorial,” and just today I discovered I’m #1 in Google for it, out of some 140 pages! I rule!

Most of the other sites in the SERP[1] are blogs, which means I’m more important than all of them. This feeds my little nerdy ego a glorious repast. Granted my ego is roughly the size of a walnut and I keep it in a barren cupboard, fed only by occasional trips to Banjo Center.

1.) Search engine nerd lingo for “Search Engine Results Page.”

Unkind

This subtle anagram was mentioned in the crossword puzzle documentary Wordplay, and when Quentin, our graphics guy at the office, got a hold of a cache of several thousand corporate logo files, I had him make me this:

Dunkin Donuts

Dammit All!!

Bryan just got an offer from the ACAC to play the annual Vino’s Halloween Cover-Up, wherein various local bands choose a musical “costume” by performing cover tunes by a particular group. In this case, Sao Paulo would be Radiohead.

I can’t do it because I’ll be in NYC that week.

Gaaaaa!!

Zoe Goes Home

Zoe is off to Utah today. Matt’s friend picked her up sometime this afternoon, so this is my first day in well over a year of coming home to no dog. It’s a bummer. I went to the backyard and found that Stinkfoot had killed a mother mouse and was in the process of taking out a baby, so I prevented that. I don’t need any more depression around here.

I’m really going to miss having Zoe. She was the best dog anyone could ask for – she was talented, intelligent, and did what she was told, most of the time.

No more frisbee. No more trips to Petsmart. No more walks through Hillcrest at sundown, like we did last night. I picked up some Chinese food and gave Zoe some choice pork bits as we sat in front of the post office.

On the bright side: no more fleas, no more cleaning dog hair off the rug and bath mat, no more worrying about her constant scratching, no more smelly house and car. And I can wake up on weekends whenever I want now.

It was about a 60/40 split on giving her up. I’ll probably start bawling later tonight or tomorrow as I start to realize how much of a part of me I’ve lost.

My Lame Weekend

I have an unfortunate habit of not planning my weekends. And I really should learn that, particularly with a 3-day weekend, plans need to be made. Otherwise I run the risk of doing nothing and feeling bad because I wasted a great opportunity. I could have taken a road trip, I could have organized an outing of some kind. Here’s how lame my weekend was:

Saturday no one was around. I ran random errands, took Zoe to the park, and tried to find something fun to do. The weather was beautiful and the dog park was EMPTY. Kind of amazing, really. I also read a lot, played guitar a lot. That was it. Sunday I tried to get someone, anyone, interested in seeing the last baseball game at Ray Winder Field. No takers, although Kathy and some friends tried to make it but the game sold out just after their arrival. I made it in, but there were no seats, and the lines for beer and hot dogs were crazy long. I gave up and went home during the first inning. I had coffee at Sufficient Grounds with Jessica, and caught up with Frisco (my first LR roomate, recently returned to town from Tokyo). He came over laster with Kirsten from Sandalwood Forest and we watched the DJ Shadow and Cut Chemist “Brainfreeze” DVD.

But here’s the best part: Saturday I knew that nothing was really on the horizon, so I thought I could maybe run up to Harrison or something. The one thing that kept me from doing so was that Don Caballero were playing at Vino’s Sunday night. So I went, assuming that the show started at a normal time, like 8:30. But no. On Sundays, Vino’s closes at 9, so the show started at 6. I got to see all of 30 minutes of the band’s set.

Sigh.

Today I played guitar all morning. I went to Target, grabbed some lunch at Quizno’s, and finished reading the plays I’m doing in a few weeks at Hendrix.

The sad thing is that the weather was so nice this weekend that I just wish I could have done more with it. Must Plan Ahead.

In other news, Zoe will be leaving this week. Matt called. A friend of his is driving to Salt Lake City, and can give her a ride. I’m sure I’ll regret it later, but that dog is such a handful. She really does demand a lot of attention.

Oh, and to top it all off…Steve Irwin is dead.

Parent for a Day

Monday night and all Tuesday I took care of Madeline, Jennifer’s daughter, while Jenn is on the road. Madness, as I like to call her, is 8 and quite the handful. I got to do all the fun things parents do – get food, walk the neighborhood, play board games, get to bed, wake them up, drive to school, etc. I stayed at her house in Cabot and if I learned one thing, it’s that I could never fathom living in Cabot and driving to work in Little Rock every morning. It’s utter hell, and I only work in North Little Rock. The only thing worse is trying to drive back into Cabot at 5pm.

Seriously, though. Kids. I get along well with them because I’m still one of them, despite my height and mortgage. I wish I could say I look forward to having them, but really I don’t look forward to the first 5 years. Babies I have no use for. Give me a kid that is verbally coherent and fully mobile, and I’m good. If only there were some way to skip infancy….

Exercises in Silliness

You know how public bulletin boards are full of goods and services for sale and you can pull a tab of paper off the bottom with a name and number? Well I thought it might be terribly amusing to make a sign that simply displayed a name, and only a name. Maybe “Kevin.” And you could pull little tabs off that just say “Kevin.” I can’t remember what movie I saw that gave me this idea, but I though it would be a lot of fun just to make people wonder. Maybe it’s something similar to what Improv Everywhere does – little harmless amusing pranks basically.

So last night DeLaine and I made some signs. Most of them were just names – Kevin, Mike…and Chet, Max, Grover, Jane and Otis (yes a tribute to Kicking and Screaming). And one of them said “Free Refrigerator.” We posted that one at the Kroger in Hillcrest. We put some other ones up at Sufficient Grounds and Harvest Foods on Cantrell. Those were actually the only public bulletin boards we could find on a Saturday night. Wal-Mart doesn’t have one, the Krogers of the Heights and Chenal don’t have them, either. Apparenly Hillcrest is the only area with any sense of community. We may hit UALR or Pulaski Tech later on. We also thought a sign saying simply “Lost Dog” might be funny. We’ll see.

Typecasting

I was discussing typecasting recently with Melissa, the girl from the blind date I mentioned awhile back, and she was complaining that she always got cast as the ingenue when she really wanted to play meatier roles – she’s always Hero, never Beatrice. I said that I’ve been fortunate in my admittedly limited theatrical carer in that I generally get cast as the eccentric supporting character. At Hendrix I was noted for playing a cross-dressing former 60’s radical in Division Street, a reluctant hangman in Our Country’s Good, and even in the Playwright’s Theatre a few years back I was the criminal redneck ne’er-do-well.

And so Playwright’s Theatre is coming up again next month at Hendrix. I just got my scripts. They’re doing two plays this year, and here are the respective descriptions of my characters:

Sam Benson: Stan’s father, he’s eccentric, a free spirit like his wife.
Pittman: Age? Male, dirty. Homeless, a little off.

What do you think this says about the theatre department’s opinion of me?